10. Painful Urination: It can’t be Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, or even Trich
(Trichomoniasis)…it’s probably just because I ate too much asparagus last night –
cause it smells too…
9. Discharge from the Penis: No big deal, it’s just pre-cum. I mean, look…it’s
sticky, milky, mucus-like, cloudy, thick, and bloody…wait, that’s just because I
nicked myself shaving to get ready for ‘you know what’…there’s no way it’s due to
Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, or Trich.
8. Sores, Bumps, or Blisters on the Penis and Genital Area, Anus, Tongue or
Lips: What do you mean it could be Syphilis!?! I checked on WebMD and it looks
like I just have Adult Chickenpox. You see…it says it right there – small, sometimes
red and itchy sores. And it’s NOT Herpes either – it’s called a Cold Sore for a reason -
I just had a Cold…that’s all.
7. Fever: Just because I’ve had a fever the three times we’ve gone out before
doesn’t mean I have HIV. I just don’t eat a lot – I drink a lot of protein shakes and
workout alot. I know I should eat three healthy meals a day and rest – I’m just very
malnourished and always on the go…yeah, that’s got to be it.
6. Itching: No it’s not Gonorrhea – I was camping last week and no one brought
toilet paper…how was I suppose to know it was Poison Ivy!?! Yes, I’m sure it’s not
Trich, Herpes or Hepatitis either. I’m telling you…it’s just Poison Ivy. We were also
drinking…and then there was a dare! I HAD to roll around naked in the woods – or
what? They would have called me a ‘pussy’…and I couldn’t let that happen…right?!
5. Pain: Yeah, I’m in pain, but I told you, it’s only because I work out…a LOT! I can
easily bench 250!..and squat 300!!! Yeah baby, just feel this six pack – oh…but not
too much…it does still hurt, but definitely NOT because I have Hepatitis.
4. Swollen Lymph Glands: Remember that cold I had? Well, that combined with
my fever I keep having is why they’re swollen, not because I have a weakened
immune system because of any STD.
3. Fatigue: Come on! I already told you, I’m malnourished and I work out!
2. Rash: Again, it’s just Poison Ivy. But you’re right…it’s been there a while…it’s
probably just Poison Sumac then.
And the number one STD Symptom Your Man Lies About Just to Have Sex with You:
1. Headache: It’s not a headache! I’m just really stressed…that’s all. Don’t you
trust me enough by now to have sex with me? EVERYTHING is fine. Let’s just do this
and I promise, everything will be okay…because…I LOVE YOU!
*Please keep in mind that this is a dramatization in an attempt to catch your
attention. A significant number of people who contract STDs will remain symptom
free, and while condoms are highly effective for preventing the spread of STDs, they
are not 100% effective. If you, or your partner, have had unprotected sex in the last
year, you need to get tested for STDs as they are a serious threat to your health.
Don’t trust anyone just based on their “word”…people lie all the time to get what
they want…and it’s no different when it comes to sex.
